you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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