im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
