I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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