If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
