She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
