Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
