He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
