I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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