just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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