I just threw up on my dentist
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
