she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
