She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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