Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
