Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
