She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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