I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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