my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
