Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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