The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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