Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
