i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
