69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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