i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
