I think I died a long time ago.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am naked and annoyed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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