Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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