I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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