i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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