my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
