I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
