you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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