i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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