Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
