if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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