The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
