You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
