i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
