I hope mine doesn't look like that
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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