If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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