Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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