Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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