Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
