i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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