Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
