I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
