I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
