best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You don't make any sense
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