My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
