you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you win again, gameday.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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