she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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