UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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