...so i touched it.
so let's talk penis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
