why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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