Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
