If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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