drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
