i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Randomize
