i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
