I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
