woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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