their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
