then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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